Saturday, February 2, 2008

Mental Expectation Upon Giving

Many a times, we are tuned to the notion of getting something back for effort rendered. This may be for extra work done, or favour given out. We may be asked to contribute one way or another in many areas including monetary give-out also. And all these are done in ethical understanding. Nothing wrong and nothing fishy.

However, we still, unknowing, feel the expectation to be rewarded. Sometimes we do get them, but other times, we got nothing. Even a simple verbal acknowledgement is absent.

How do you feel in this circumstances?

If you feel sad or disappointed, there are ways to minimise this feeling.

How did this undesirable feeling comes about? And how to avoid it?

The answer lies in that, as long as we long for rewards upon giving, we are trapped in a mental state of being appreciated. We expect "rewards" that is controlled by others. We are now not in control. When we are not in control, and do not get what we desire, we will definitely get frustrated. This is a fact of life, and also natural human behaviour.

Therefore, to avoid and minimise, if not eliminating totally, we should train ourself to give without any expectation of returns. This is similar to the motherly (or fatherly) love that parents endowned on their kids. It is a one-way giving and is done willingly. How do they feel? Most of the times, just the sight that their kids are healthy and happy satisfies them.

Giving without expecting return enables us to be balance mentally since we are not attached to any matters outside our control. Whether the person gaining our contribution returns our favours or otherwise is out of the question when we expect nothing. We will feel happy that we are able to contribute and make others comfortable. This is enough to reward us. Understanding this intangible benefit improves our self-being and is enough to move us higher into self-control and self-satisfaction.

(Do, however, note that not all cases make sense to give without returns, as doing that means pure stupidity. This may be for job done. Be clear of what is the contribution and the importance of its returns. Practice prudence.)

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